The Hardest Thing 

The hardest thing I’ve done in life hasn’t been learning by heart bio molecular cycles. Not even understanding that I can’t help everyone that crosses my path. Even doing bench presses with a 40lb weight has been easy. The hardest thing I have had to do in life is trusting. 

Learning to trust life. Understanding that things happen for a reason, and that they will happen when they should, not when you want them to. (Or how you want them to for that matter). 

I have had to let go someone I love immensely. We still talk, and thanks to technology distance is not so bad. 

But still, it is so hard not being there with him. Not being close to him, not being able to pick up the phone and call whenever I want to. 

It has been hard trusting life to set the course straight. In the best way possible for both of us. It has been so hard, because it is not what I want to do. 

That’s the key word here. Want. I know exactly what I want. (Even if everyone close to me tells me it’s wrong and to “just get over it”). And I don’t want it in a specific manner. I just want to be close again. I don’t care how. But obviously it is not what I need. What either of us needs in this particular moment. 

The hardest thing ever is to trust that those things we can’t control will fall into place. I’m meditating, and trying to feel something other than pain. I’m trying to go beyond it, and just trust, and hang on to the love I have. Not only for others, but most of all the love I have for myself. I’m hoping that in time, this love will make trusting life a little easier. 

Lots of love